The North East is home to some of the world’s best stuff, like Gazza. Here are some more excellent things we’ve come up with:
Windscreen Wipers
Gladstone Adams patented the world’s first ever windscreen wipers ever in 1911, only 15 years after they were first patented in the USA, and 8 years after three other people patented their versions. His system was never put into production, but come on now, no one is perfect. How many windscreen wipers have you patented recently?
So, that settles it: Newcastle invented the windscreen wipers, and if you don’t agree, we can straighten this out like gentlemen in the car park.
Gregg’s Bakery
Sausage rolls and doughnuts are the pinnacles of gastronomy and healthy eating. It’s never going to get any better than this, which is a bittersweet thought in itself, so enjoy it while it lasts: our grandchildren will only hear about Gregg’s around the campfire as they roast beetles and dandelions for dinner.
But I don’t have time to be sad about that, I have a Gregg’s sausage roll to keep me company until at least the next paragraph.
Ant & Dec
This comedy duo was raised in a laboratory to be as entertaining as possible. That lab has since been closed down for cruel practices. Ant & Dec have been entertaining you since 1988, which means that the ones you see on TV now are probably cloned replacements.
I really miss that sausage roll now.
The Light Switch
John Henry Holmes patented the light switch in 1884. Before then, switches had been terribly heavy and sometimes fell on people. Light switches were trendy, portable and popular with hip young Victorians on the go.
Domestos: The World’s Least Popular Soft Drink
Why is this even on the list? Domestos tastes rank, end of. You can’t mix it, neither. You’re much better off with a glass of water than this stuff. Domestos sent me all their flavours to try and they were all disgusting.
Lucozade: A Completely Useless Cleaning Product
Seriously, even Domestos would be better at cleaning things than this stuff. It doesn’t get stains out, it turns white cloth orange, and when I mopped my floor with it, it just made the whole thing sticky.
Did we miss something? Let us know in the comments below.
